yolk

So what do I want to do with my life?

I want to change perceptions.

I want to help people to grow and own their actions unashamedly.

I want to encourage people to live for themselves and no-one else.

To experience and enjoy anything and everything their hearts may desire.

But most of all, I want to encourage people to love themselves, accept others and celebrate everything.

Presently, it seems, we  like to think of ourselves as free. We say we can recognize our freedom of choice. Western coutries proclaim to be ‘free countries’. But looking at how our societies are constructed, how free are we really?

So much of our lives are monitored. So much media is directed at manipulating us and persuading us to fit in.

Based on my own experiences and my interactions with others, I feel that most of us feel trapped, caged and cornered. That many of our actions are based on external cues, and thus confuse us when our choices do not satisfy our personal desires. People feel they have to fit in with the rest of society. Compete with their peers. Be ‘normal’. But what I have come to realise is that normalcy is not natural.

Normalcy is what the majority around you are doing. But we are individuals. We need different things. We have different desires. Different passions. Different purposes. What is natural and often the right choice for us, sadly is often self-oppressed with the fear of being judged..

People smoke, people drink, people do drugs for a variety of reasons. The biggest being to deal with social pressures – either to fit in, or ‘take the edge off’.

People judge and people are scared of being judged. People expect others to be a certain way. To fit in with certain stereotypes – to be ‘normal’. No-one wants to be left behind. Everyone wants to be included. They want other people with them to testify the experience. And so they edge on their peers to follow them. ‘Have another drink – you’re not as drunk as me!’

I’d love to put my life towards  encouraging people to feel confident and comfortable in authoring their own individual life.

Though, I dont want to tell people what is right, or what to do. (I don’t believe in “right” or “wrong” and so I would have no authority to do so). Instead, I just hope to help create  an environment where people feel equally accepted in their behavior, regardless of how many others are following them.

I desire to empower them to have the confidence and the initiative to pursue what they want. To be individuals. To live freely. I want to create a social consciousness of acceptance ‘each to their own’.

I want to break down the social norms that embarrass us and suppress our greatest desires. I want people to feel comfortable and confident in being themselves; to love themselves.

I want kids to feel that they dont have to do drugs or drink to be cool, but that equally if the want to try out new experiences that is also okay. I want girls to feel that they never have to do anything sexual that they don’t want to – but equally if they love sex – that’s okay!

I want give people a choice again.

I figure that if I can find a way to achieve these goals, starting with the younger generations, perhaps our world will have a chance…Care to help?

Frisco

Question:

How do you teach one to love themself?

You are a free soul

Life has been hectic. Busy, interesting, full of drama and oh so enlightening. Living on the other-side of the world – away from all that is familiar – has opened me up so beautifully. It has encouraged me to grow in so many ways that I may never had considered, if I hadn’t the courage to spread my own wings.

Not everything has been smooth, but what has been so beautiful is the tender experiences that have teased my emotions and the development of my ability to detach and  observe the perfection of it all.

The way that this journey has been constructed has been brilliant and I feel that through these experiences I have become a rock unto myself. My own source of support. Peace. And to that extent, unharmable and absolutely harmless.

I acknowledge my independence now. My life is my own. I am a free soul and nothing else matters. My experience is based on exactly what I choose to accept into my reality.

One of the most shocking, yet, healing things I had come to realize during this time abroad has been my tendency to indeed love with expectations. It was a shock because I never thought I did – I have never entered a relationship with long term goals, expecting the other to fulfill me  - to make me happy and ‘complete’. Yet, I have only recently understood how I have loved with expectations – mundane and materialistic expectations – so ’small’ that they seemed to have slipped through my filter of unconditional love. Expectations, for example, that people would buy me a drink or a meal to show their attraction to me. It’s embarrassing to put so bluntly, but such can the truth be at times. Yet now my eyes are open, I’ve been conciously seeking to move forward, interacting with others for that pure purpose – to socialise on a basic human-human level.

I’ve been lucky enough to meet so many amazing people along my trip, who have taught and continue to teach and heal me! I am also so grateful for all the support I have had from my friends and family back home.

I’ve also been lucky enough to experience the pleasure of telling the truth. Of being straight forward and honest, where in the past I have thought it fun to play games  - flirt and “mess with peoples minds”. I am beyond that now – gratefully.

Finally, in meditation the other day I had a sweet realization. The truth just popped into my mind….

“here you are doing absolutley nothing…just being. And yet life continues to go on.

You see you never have to do anything! Life will always continue regardless! So why are you stressed? Why do you worry?

Understand this truth. Understand your freedom to choose what you do in any given moment. Spend time on experiences that mean something to you…take time out for yourself regardless of how much you ‘have to do’. Just do the best that you can and things will always work out.”

Namaste all you beautiful souls!

P.S. Ryan McGinley’s new series has been up for a while now. If you haven’t seen these stunning works, I reccomend you take a moment to indulge right now - http://www.ryanmcginley.com/moonmilk

The 5 Natural Emotions

So I’ve been reading some interesting spiritual material of late. The most interesting concepts on my mind at the moment being ‘the five natural emotions’ (Dr, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross). The 5 natural emotions being Grief, Anger, Envy, Fear and Love.

At first I found this idea – that all of our emotions stem from these five, and that ‘the five’ to be mostly associated as negative emotions  - a little daunting. But after examining the purpose of  these emotions I can now evaluate them as beautiful tools for cultivating one’s personal development. What is sad and viewed as negative comes from the natural emotion’s repression.

Allow me to elaborate:

“Grief is a natural emotion. It allows you to say goodbye when you don’t want to say goodbye; to express –push out, propel –the sadness within you at the experience of any kind of loss. Grief repressed becomes chronic depression – a very unnatural emotion”.

“Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool that you have which allows you to say ‘No thank you’. It does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another. Anger that is continually expressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion.”

“Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again; try harder; to continue striving until you succeed.” It’s healthy and it’s natural – it encourages you to be a better person. “Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy – a very unnatural emotion.”

“Fear is a natural emotion, the purpose (being) to build in a bit of caution. Caution is a tool that helps keep the body alive. It is an outgrowth of love. Love of Self. Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion”

Love should be expressed “without condition of limitation, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more…Love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness – a very unnatural emotion.”

(Neal Donald Walsch, CWG Book 3 p.25-27).

Anyway, I found this idea enlightening and thought I would share it with you. What do you make of it?

I think the biggest thing I came to realize from this concept is how important it is to be comfortable in expressing these emotions openly and really allowing yourself to feel them so that you may learn and move on. And also being able to notice when they are crossing the line  - when you are expressing yourself unnaturally – and learning to steer yourself back on track. I know there is a lot of societal baggage and repression when it comes to the expression of emotion – a lot of people have grown up learning that one should repress at least one (or more) of these natural emotions – the most common example being that ‘boys don’t cry’. Or that girls shouldn’t openly express their anger.

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Another concept I have been thinking about a lot lately is respect. Respect for one’s self and respect for others, particularly in terms of relationships.

I used to be a massive people pleaser – so much so that I found myself unhappy because I would agree to unreasonable things to make other’s happy and when I wasn’t able to give them what they were asking for, despite having agreed to with the best of intentions, they too would be disappointed. Gladly, I grew out of this, took control of my life and as a result think I am a more genuine person. Yet, I still find it hard to give a solid ‘No’ from time to time – instead saying something along the lines of ‘maybe next time’ and trying to communicate my ‘No’ passively.

But my goal, which I am striving for at the moment is to be completely honest and comfortable in saying ‘No’. Because, contrary to my previous preconceptions – it is a positive expression in any relationship. It is the epitome of respect – the voice of your personal truth.

Ideas for being a better person…

1. Stop saying “just”. Value yourself and your experiences. You are more than ‘just a secretary’ or ‘just a student’. You are incredible and have the potential to be and do anything. Believe in yourself. You deserve it.
2. Use adjectives sparingly (sometimes they get in the way of the truth).
3. Understand that you don’t have to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything. You have complete freedom and complete responsibility for your own experience. What do you want? Chase it with passion. Be relentless. Be liberated.
4. If it feels right at the time, then it’s fine. Life is meant to be lived. There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live it. But consider what you want on all three dimensions – mind, body and soul.
5. Recognize the creative powerful being that you are and own it. Heck, you can manifest the weather!
6. Nothing matters. Laugh.
7. You are everything – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. The aim is to choose the most magnificent aspects on offer and make them a part of your reality – that is the highest choice.
8. Learn to say “No”. “Maybe later” is not the same. You are not being respectful of yourself or others when you neglect to say “No” firmly when you mean to. Learn to say it charmingly. Learn to be comfortable with it.
9. Speak to and treat others as equal souls, for they too are human like you.
10. Be honest.

How to Get a Job In Advertising

1. Buy a folder

2. Write down all your best ideas for ads – find a way to express them creatively

3. Put ideas into folder – now you have a ‘portfolio’

4. Shop your ‘portfolio’ around like a desperate whore

5. Believe in yourself

It looks so much easier on paper.

Be sure to wear a flower in your hair…

Bonjour!

I’ve been lazy. But San Francisco is  loving me, just like I am loving it, so much so that I feel like shouting my love for it over the mountains, or in today’s equivalent, the internet.

Why do I like this city so much? It centers on one important characteristic: the open-minded acceptance and celebration of diversity you see here. Age, race, class, sexual orientation, how cool you think you are, how cool others think you are – none of it matters here, all are equal and anyone will talk to you. Everyone is friendly and laid back. It just radiates peace. The hippies may have bailed a long time ago, but the culture they left behind is still generously evident.

It’s truly such a beautiful change from Australian culture where we tend to stick to our own little groups, and while I love Australia (the weather, the beaches, my friends, family and the familiarity of it all) somethings gotta give.

Yep. SF knows what life is about. The only thing I don’t like is the rate that money slips through your fingers. But there is plenty of fun things to do that doesn’t cost a penny – that is, if you can tear yourself away from the amazing restaurants and funky boutiques that inhabit every neighborhood…

Realm for the Real

Remember…

Another gap in the posts…I’ve been in Spain, France and Italy, on the go with barely time to breath, or write. Its been amazing and I have been thoroughly enjoying myself.

Something I have noticed I am finding easier and easier these days is my ability to let go of people. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I have friends I intend to keep for a lifetime, people I will always love and cherish, and I treasure the time I spend with new friends, but at the end of the day I am not really sad or fearful of moving on. You see, I believe if something is meant to be we will cross paths again, so there is no real need for sad and painful, heartfelt goodbyes. Some people are meant to be in your life for a long time, others just a moment, yet either way this is no indication of their meaningfulness in your life experience.

Someone actually said to me the other day that ‘life just isn’t long enough’. The context was in meeting and getting to know people, and I entirely disagree with that statement. It is actually. It’s perfectly long enough. Long enough to meet many beautiful souls and make memories that will make you feel warm and smiley when you look back on them years later. Long enough so that you can have both short and long relatioships with others. Intimate ones and ones that only brush the surface of who each of you really are. Passionate, lustful ones and ones that are based on a mutual contentment with one another. You shouldn’t seek just to have one type of relationship, they all have their pros and cons. They all have something special to offer.

***Note that when I use the word relationship - this isn’t the traditional boy-girl love affair. It can be anything from family relationships, relationships with friends, animals, mentors, crushes, strangers and most importantly yourself.

I’m all for marriage and the happiness and contentment that comes with settling down in the end. But not yet. Now, I am young,crazy and free.

I think as a society we are a little too needy or reliant on others. At the end of  the day it seems that the majority of people have a fear of being alone. Though, we have all been let down by others in the past, many of us continue to invest our time and love into one or two single people who we feel should be a constant in our lives. To the extent where (I think) they are afforded too much responsibility.

I made a point early on in my life not to rely on other people. I trust others, yes, but to rely on them to make me happy seems ridiculous. As a result I have made a point not to have a ‘best friend’ in my life, but rather, many good friends I know I can always call on to come out and have a good time or a deep and meaningful conversation.

In contrast, I’ve seen time and time again people latch on to that one person – be it a boyfriend or a ‘best friend’ to find themselves shattered when the relationship comes to an end.

In my journey, I was lucky enough to be friendless in primary school – seriously I now see it as a blessing, because it meant I had those early years to get to know myself, to be comfortable on my own and in turn, the confidence to be an individual and do my own thing when I want to.

A  relationship with yourself is the most important thing in life, far more important than your relationships with others. From my perspective, we all come and go from one another’s lives. Our role in anothers life is never permanent. And I think that that truth is a good and beautiful thing. However, we will always be present in our own experience. The fact that we have the opportunity to meet and socialize with so many different people keeps things interesting and open and allows us to learn and grow. As I have talked in previous posts about the influence of those around us, I think it can be really difficult for one to grow and develop their personality, when they are constantly  surrounded by the same environment of people.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that when it comes to relationship, your job as a contributer is not to provide the other with everything they need, but to simply love them unconditionally, yet give them the strength and independence to be able to live without you. Unfortunately this is not an easy thing. But is is an important thing to strive for.

Similarly, as an individual, you need to get to know yourself and love yourself so that you no longer need another to make you happy. What it comes down to – and I know I’ve used this quote before – but it really doesn’t get more true than this:

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. 
Frederick E. Perl