Jam Drop Shortbread Cookie

I just wanted to quickly share a little realization I had yesterday…

So I’m in this Italian cafe, looking forward to having a nice cappuccino & a sweet biscuit to accompany. But which biscuit do I choose? Ah, the conflict of decisions, we are all faced with having to make choices and sometimes the prospect of making the wrong choice can be immobilizing – however big or small the potential effect of that decision may be.

My initial preference was a jam drop shortbread cookie…but then I settled on the chocolate biscotti…only to spend the whole cafe experience wishing I had gone with the jam drop cookie. By the time all was gone I found myself feeling frustrated and unsatisfied.

Frustrated that I hadn’t enjoyed the treat mindfully.

Unsatisfied because I felt that I would have enjoyed the jam drop more.

So in feeling this discontentment I took a moment to explore the situation a little more…

“How can I avoid this sensation in the future?”

I’ve been here before. A small example, but relevant nonetheless…

Last time I came to the conclusion that I should always just go with my initial preference. Yet obviously I ignored that advice – as here I am. So what more is there to learn?

I thought about the people who inspire to be a better person. Particularly this ‘loony’ yogi character I met in the park the other day. What would he do?

“Accept his choice and enjoy whatever he has for what it is – enough”. Don’t you just love it when a suitable answer magically joins your previously confused consciousness?

“The ideal isn’t to make the right choice, but to accept and be content with the choice that you make. Stop weighing up the options and just enjoy the chosen possibility for what it is.”

I wanted to share this because I am proud – not so much of the answer itself – but of the thought process behind it. I considered what I had already learnt in the past from similar situations – but built on it. That’s progress.

Too often do I just settle for things as being a result of a mistake, rather than having learnt enough from the previous experience.

When you find yourself in the same state over again there is more to learn.

Habit & Addiction

“There is so much shit that I do, that I don’t like, and I can observe it, I am aware of it, yet I keep doing it. It’s so frustrating.” - Something I found myself saying in conversation with my boyfriend the other night.

Habit and addiction. The behaviors we learn, one way or another, that become such a part of our daily lifestyle. Before we know it, we’re addicted. We are all addicted to something, yet too often are we in denial. Something gave recently – I know certain behaviors are really not serving me right now. One major vice being my relationship to drugs and alcohol.

Since when did ‘escaping’ reality become the only way to have fun? Yet upon observing myself a little more closely, it seems to be the easy answer in releasing pressure, frustration, anxiety – whatever. And it’s not that I even ‘drink to get drunk’ anymore – getting drunk kind of just happens – a consequence of external influences – where I keep drinking because there is more to drink or others around me are continuing and  I dont want to get left behind.

I love my wine, I love the taste, I love the action of sharing a drink in good company. I love letting go, not caring, smiling for no reason. But I hate the come down, feeling groggy. Not being able to read or write or even concentrate on the plot of a movie. It limits me and has become routine. I notice that the quality of my choices are lower, I become lazy and god knows the kind of abuse my body becomes subject to.

Living in San Fran, on a sunny day, at least once a week, we find an opportunity to get some friends together for wine and nibbles. None of us drive, most of us don’t work much – we’re students. So we sit and we drink, celebrating our youth and lack of responsibilities. We talk shit, we eat shit, we often carry on into the night. And it is an enjoyable experience – until it becomes routine and I realize I’m not getting much done…

And that’s just during the week on an average day. Come the weekend it’s a different story, but lets just point out that there are so many great classes and things I have been meaning to go to on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Somehow I never make it out of bed in time.

Remember when you were a kid and alcohol didn’t even exist in your experience. Yet we still had fun, a lot of fun. I had my first drink at 14. Since 16 I have been drinking on a weekly basis (socially), but the sad thing is I can’t really remember the last solid period I have had since that time alcohol free.

It’s sad to admit, but I’ve been trying to detox for a while now, yet I can never fathom not drinking for more than a couple of days . Why? Because it is such a central part  of socializing. It eases the tension between new friends & helps one to fit in. It’s a release from responsibility. And it’s sad that me having this intention is such a shock to society. When I tell friends, ‘hey, I’m going to lay off the booze for a bit’, they most often react with shock. Fear perhaps – not only what will I do with all the spare time, but who will they drink with?

But fuck it. I am an explorer. I am not content with this situation now. I accept it. But I want to change it. So I have set an intention, to take it day by day and see how long I can go without drinking. I want to read more, write more, do more creative things. I want to enjoy life sober for a while. Take better care of my body. Learn to interact as my sober self rather than relying on alcohol to make me feel comfortable.

Saying that, I will drink again; my goal is to find a balanced, sophisticated relationship with alcohol. But, I feel that in order to do so, I need to step away from it, to know that it is not the only way to celebrate and enjoy life.

Quote

“The purpose of having a relationship is not to have someone who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

You have no need for another in order for you to experience – completely – who you are; and yet without another you are nothing.”

Conversations With God Book 1 p.123

yolk

So what do I want to do with my life?

I want to change perceptions.

I want to help people to grow and own their actions unashamedly.

I want to encourage people to live for themselves and no-one else.

To experience and enjoy anything and everything their hearts may desire.

But most of all, I want to encourage people to love themselves, accept others and celebrate everything.

Presently, it seems, we  like to think of ourselves as free. We say we can recognize our freedom of choice. Western coutries proclaim to be ‘free countries’. But looking at how our societies are constructed, how free are we really?

So much of our lives are monitored. So much media is directed at manipulating us and persuading us to fit in.

Based on my own experiences and my interactions with others, I feel that most of us feel trapped, caged and cornered. That many of our actions are based on external cues, and thus confuse us when our choices do not satisfy our personal desires. People feel they have to fit in with the rest of society. Compete with their peers. Be ‘normal’. But what I have come to realise is that normalcy is not natural.

Normalcy is what the majority around you are doing. But we are individuals. We need different things. We have different desires. Different passions. Different purposes. What is natural and often the right choice for us, sadly is often self-oppressed with the fear of being judged..

People smoke, people drink, people do drugs for a variety of reasons. The biggest being to deal with social pressures – either to fit in, or ‘take the edge off’.

People judge and people are scared of being judged. People expect others to be a certain way. To fit in with certain stereotypes – to be ‘normal’. No-one wants to be left behind. Everyone wants to be included. They want other people with them to testify the experience. And so they edge on their peers to follow them. ‘Have another drink – you’re not as drunk as me!’

I’d love to put my life towards  encouraging people to feel confident and comfortable in authoring their own individual life.

Though, I dont want to tell people what is right, or what to do. (I don’t believe in “right” or “wrong” and so I would have no authority to do so). Instead, I just hope to help create  an environment where people feel equally accepted in their behavior, regardless of how many others are following them.

I desire to empower them to have the confidence and the initiative to pursue what they want. To be individuals. To live freely. I want to create a social consciousness of acceptance ‘each to their own’.

I want to break down the social norms that embarrass us and suppress our greatest desires. I want people to feel comfortable and confident in being themselves; to love themselves.

I want kids to feel that they dont have to do drugs or drink to be cool, but that equally if the want to try out new experiences that is also okay. I want girls to feel that they never have to do anything sexual that they don’t want to – but equally if they love sex – that’s okay!

I want give people a choice again.

I figure that if I can find a way to achieve these goals, starting with the younger generations, perhaps our world will have a chance…Care to help?

Frisco

Question:

How do you teach one to love themself?

You are a free soul

Life has been hectic. Busy, interesting, full of drama and oh so enlightening. Living on the other-side of the world – away from all that is familiar – has opened me up so beautifully. It has encouraged me to grow in so many ways that I may never had considered, if I hadn’t the courage to spread my own wings.

Not everything has been smooth, but what has been so beautiful is the tender experiences that have teased my emotions and the development of my ability to detach and  observe the perfection of it all.

The way that this journey has been constructed has been brilliant and I feel that through these experiences I have become a rock unto myself. My own source of support. Peace. And to that extent, unharmable and absolutely harmless.

I acknowledge my independence now. My life is my own. I am a free soul and nothing else matters. My experience is based on exactly what I choose to accept into my reality.

One of the most shocking, yet, healing things I had come to realize during this time abroad has been my tendency to indeed love with expectations. It was a shock because I never thought I did – I have never entered a relationship with long term goals, expecting the other to fulfill me  - to make me happy and ‘complete’. Yet, I have only recently understood how I have loved with expectations – mundane and materialistic expectations – so ’small’ that they seemed to have slipped through my filter of unconditional love. Expectations, for example, that people would buy me a drink or a meal to show their attraction to me. It’s embarrassing to put so bluntly, but such can the truth be at times. Yet now my eyes are open, I’ve been conciously seeking to move forward, interacting with others for that pure purpose – to socialise on a basic human-human level.

I’ve been lucky enough to meet so many amazing people along my trip, who have taught and continue to teach and heal me! I am also so grateful for all the support I have had from my friends and family back home.

I’ve also been lucky enough to experience the pleasure of telling the truth. Of being straight forward and honest, where in the past I have thought it fun to play games  - flirt and “mess with peoples minds”. I am beyond that now – gratefully.

Finally, in meditation the other day I had a sweet realization. The truth just popped into my mind….

“here you are doing absolutley nothing…just being. And yet life continues to go on.

You see you never have to do anything! Life will always continue regardless! So why are you stressed? Why do you worry?

Understand this truth. Understand your freedom to choose what you do in any given moment. Spend time on experiences that mean something to you…take time out for yourself regardless of how much you ‘have to do’. Just do the best that you can and things will always work out.”

Namaste all you beautiful souls!

P.S. Ryan McGinley’s new series has been up for a while now. If you haven’t seen these stunning works, I reccomend you take a moment to indulge right now - http://www.ryanmcginley.com/moonmilk

The 5 Natural Emotions

So I’ve been reading some interesting spiritual material of late. The most interesting concepts on my mind at the moment being ‘the five natural emotions’ (Dr, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross). The 5 natural emotions being Grief, Anger, Envy, Fear and Love.

At first I found this idea – that all of our emotions stem from these five, and that ‘the five’ to be mostly associated as negative emotions  - a little daunting. But after examining the purpose of  these emotions I can now evaluate them as beautiful tools for cultivating one’s personal development. What is sad and viewed as negative comes from the natural emotion’s repression.

Allow me to elaborate:

“Grief is a natural emotion. It allows you to say goodbye when you don’t want to say goodbye; to express –push out, propel –the sadness within you at the experience of any kind of loss. Grief repressed becomes chronic depression – a very unnatural emotion”.

“Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool that you have which allows you to say ‘No thank you’. It does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another. Anger that is continually expressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion.”

“Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again; try harder; to continue striving until you succeed.” It’s healthy and it’s natural – it encourages you to be a better person. “Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy – a very unnatural emotion.”

“Fear is a natural emotion, the purpose (being) to build in a bit of caution. Caution is a tool that helps keep the body alive. It is an outgrowth of love. Love of Self. Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion”

Love should be expressed “without condition of limitation, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more…Love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness – a very unnatural emotion.”

(Neal Donald Walsch, CWG Book 3 p.25-27).

Anyway, I found this idea enlightening and thought I would share it with you. What do you make of it?

I think the biggest thing I came to realize from this concept is how important it is to be comfortable in expressing these emotions openly and really allowing yourself to feel them so that you may learn and move on. And also being able to notice when they are crossing the line  - when you are expressing yourself unnaturally – and learning to steer yourself back on track. I know there is a lot of societal baggage and repression when it comes to the expression of emotion – a lot of people have grown up learning that one should repress at least one (or more) of these natural emotions – the most common example being that ‘boys don’t cry’. Or that girls shouldn’t openly express their anger.

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Another concept I have been thinking about a lot lately is respect. Respect for one’s self and respect for others, particularly in terms of relationships.

I used to be a massive people pleaser – so much so that I found myself unhappy because I would agree to unreasonable things to make other’s happy and when I wasn’t able to give them what they were asking for, despite having agreed to with the best of intentions, they too would be disappointed. Gladly, I grew out of this, took control of my life and as a result think I am a more genuine person. Yet, I still find it hard to give a solid ‘No’ from time to time – instead saying something along the lines of ‘maybe next time’ and trying to communicate my ‘No’ passively.

But my goal, which I am striving for at the moment is to be completely honest and comfortable in saying ‘No’. Because, contrary to my previous preconceptions – it is a positive expression in any relationship. It is the epitome of respect – the voice of your personal truth.

Ideas for being a better person…

1. Stop saying “just”. Value yourself and your experiences. You are more than ‘just a secretary’ or ‘just a student’. You are incredible and have the potential to be and do anything. Believe in yourself. You deserve it.
2. Use adjectives sparingly (sometimes they get in the way of the truth).
3. Understand that you don’t have to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything. You have complete freedom and complete responsibility for your own experience. What do you want? Chase it with passion. Be relentless. Be liberated.
4. If it feels right at the time, then it’s fine. Life is meant to be lived. There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live it. But consider what you want on all three dimensions – mind, body and soul.
5. Recognize the creative powerful being that you are and own it. Heck, you can manifest the weather!
6. Nothing matters. Laugh.
7. You are everything – the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly. The aim is to choose the most magnificent aspects on offer and make them a part of your reality – that is the highest choice.
8. Learn to say “No”. “Maybe later” is not the same. You are not being respectful of yourself or others when you neglect to say “No” firmly when you mean to. Learn to say it charmingly. Learn to be comfortable with it.
9. Speak to and treat others as equal souls, for they too are human like you.
10. Be honest.

How to Get a Job In Advertising

1. Buy a folder

2. Write down all your best ideas for ads – find a way to express them creatively

3. Put ideas into folder – now you have a ‘portfolio’

4. Shop your ‘portfolio’ around like a desperate whore

5. Believe in yourself

It looks so much easier on paper.